A Letter From a Showbiz Professional to Out-of-Work Actors.

Dear Out of Work Actors,

When I was a young woman, I decided that I wanted to save the world. I wanted to do something important, nay, I wanted to do the most important thing in the world. So I, naively, went to medical school.

I thought maybe I’d go to Africa and help starving children. Or I’d go into research, help find a cure for cancer or AIDS. But as time progressed, I realized there was something out there that was the most important work I could do on this Earth.

Around age 38, I heard a call from God. God called down to me and said, “Margaret.”

“Yes, God?”

“The most important thing that you can do on this Earth I have given unto you is to instruct out-of-work actors in New York and L.A. on how to have careers in show business.” And so I left the medical profession and this is what I’ve dedicated myself to since hearing from God that afternoon.

And so, my out-of-work actor disciples, I say unto you, I can give you the career you want as an actor, even a movie star. Yes, I have the secrets. All you have to do is send me a check for $1,549 and begin your journey from unemployed to Oscar recipient.

“But Margaret, I don’t have that kind of money, I’m unemployed,” you might say. Then I guess your career is not important to you. I understand. I mean, not all of us have heard a call directly from God. So I understand if you think this is not the most important thing in the world – that you find work as an actor – as I do. After all, I gave up a career in medicine and let go of what I thought was important work in order to dedicate myself to this worthy cause. So if you’re not able to part with a little money, I guess you do not share my dedication. And my belief that this is, again, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD.

Some of you may wonder what secrets I know. Well, of course, I can’t tell you until you sign up, but I will give you an overview of some of the things we will do in my one-day course.

We will look at headshots and I will tell you why they are bad. I will ask how much you’ve spent on your headshots, at which point I will reiterate to you, that you working as an actor is so critical to the Earth, that you should not be scared to spend a lot of money on pictures of yourself. And I will guide you by recommending a photographer who takes pictures of people’s faces better than anyone else, my boyfriend. He charges one thousand dollars. A small price to pay, you will think as you purchase your first mansion in Bel Air.

We will talk about the people who make up this important industry: the agents, the managers, and the casting directors. The most important thing you can do as an actor is MEET THESE IMPORTANT PEOPLE. And I will guide you by showing where and how you can pay money in order to be in a room with them for three minutes at a time. Conveniently for you, I operate a studio for just such a thing. Again I will stress, if you aren’t willing to part with a few thousand dollars in order to meet the most important people in show business, then I can only guess you don’t share my dedication to your career, and that’s a shame.

My one-day course will end with a party. That’s right, you read that correctly, a party! We have one hour at a club in midtown Manhattan, from 6-7pm, to do the most important thing an actor can do, NETWORK. There will be real live industry professionals in attendance, the movers and shakers of the business, such as: an assistant from Carol Robinetti Casting (Orgy, the Musical!-Fringe Festival ’06) and BIG-TIME MANAGER Eric Johnston (also a headshot photographer who is starting his own theatre company, we hear…shh!). And of course, me-Margaret Robinetti, professional acting career and life coach. The club charges a $15 cover, but it includes one free well-vodka drink (practically pays for itself!). And just to let you know in advance, we do have to be out of the club at 7:00pm, but that’s plenty of time to shake hands with the top dogs of the industry!

So, my out-of-work actors, when I see your long, sad faces around town, I know that God has lead me in the right direction. What I’m doing is the most important contribution I can make to this Earth. Movies and TV shows give people happiness and they need actors to make their stories come alive. Come with me on your own personal journey to stardom. It can happen! Send the check today.

Your Bright Future,

Margaret Robinetti

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~ by mickeyfick on November 23, 2010.

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