A Letter of Advice for Talents Agents Looking for Actors.
Normally I’m so, so super busy that I can’t spare a minute to write to all you agents out there looking for new clients. But I’ve just seen so many agents’ missteps and mistakes that I cannot NOT write down some tips!
First, do NOT ever, under any circumstances, call me on the phone! I only have a cell phone. No secretary, no assistant. So there’s no way that I can take the time to answer your calls. BUT – if you DO call, please cut to the chase. Don’t give me all this hoopla about how you’ve wanted to be an agent since you were a little kid and your Aunt Margaret thinks you’ll be a superstar Broadway agent one day. We all know why you’re calling. I’m an actor and you’re an agent. You NEED fairly attractive medium-build white guys with short hair that can play late 20′s who have a ton of non-paying credits. I KNOW! Just say politely, “Hey Michael, sorry to bother you, but I’m looking for a new client.” Then let’s get off the phone quickly, send me a postcard about your agency, and let me get back to the busy life of an actor.
Second, get my name right! If you’re gonna take the time to send me a letter and pay for the postage, make sure you have my name right! It’s M-I-C-H-A-E-L. When I see someone misspell my name on the envelope, it makes me feel you do not know who I am. Like you don’t care who you rep, as long as he’s an actor. Then not only do I throw it away, I instruct my cat to pee on it and if my cat doesn’t have to pee, I give her tons of water, force her to drink it, hold her down (which sometimes takes the help of my girlfriend), and wait until she finally drips something out on your submission. If it sounds harsh, bear in mind, I get hundreds of letters from agents EVERY DAY. I can’t let all of you represent me.
Third, please don’t contact me until you’ve represented some legitimate, steadily working professional actors. I can’t possibly be expected to put my acting career in the hands of someone who is just starting out as an agent. And then when you hit me up – show me what your clients have done – and please have at least one client on a network tv show. Otherwise, I’ll make the cat pee again!
Fourth, make sure your picture looks like you. No offense all you beautiful agents out there, but some of you are OLD. Fine if you’re old, maybe I could use an old agent. But don’t send me your college headshot photo that you took in the mall back when you still wanted to be an actor. Show me the person that is gonna walk through my apartment door in Jersey City IF I call you in.
And lastly, remember that I am here to work for you. I am merely an actor. I show up on set, say a few lines, play a little childish game of make-believe, and make TONS of money. You are the real earner out here – so have some pride in yourself! Stop apologizing for everything, stop shaking when you meet me, stop stumbling over your words when you see me at a party. In fact, here’s a little tip for agents:
Every day wake up and before you leave the house to find new clients, look in the mirror and say, “My name is ___ ____, I am an agent, and I apologize for nothing.”
Okay, now back to my work as an actor. Agents, you know what they say, if you can do anything else, do it! If not, keep sending me your stuff…persistence WILL PAY OFF.